Blue Text, Green Text, Read Text, No Text

I done goofed, friends.

And so we begin with your favorite start to a story,

So there’s this guy…

I went to a party the other night with some friends. 

This party, if you must know. Had an absolute blast. Anything with DJ Na$h’s name on it I highly recommend attending. I digress, though.

At the party. Saw this guy, liked his face. Saw him again later. Liked his face again. Wanted to do something about that…but nahhhhh, couldn’t be me.

I don’t talk to people, okay? If you think I do, realize I’m probably getting paid to make you think so. I don’t do it. Especially not at parties. And especially still when people are cute. People who talk to people don’t have blogs to hide behind. Just all of the absolutely not.

But the third shot of Maker’s Mark said, “Absolutely fuck yeah! Go talk to him.”

It took until the end of the night but by the power of Maker’s(and my crazy-ass friend dance-kicking me towards this guy), I told him I thought he was cute, and we exchanged numbers.

And after that, we didn’t talk.

Okay not exactly, but I really dig that Goldlink album and was just listening to it and I’m getting hella off track. ANYWAYS

I shot him a text after I left the party. He got back to me but it was late, nothing much was said until the next day. Next morning he messages picking back up and apologizing because he thought he already replied. I said no worries, I’m not one to get caught up in read-receipts and whatnot. And we agreed on that being an annoying trait of our generation nowadays and shared some lols.

But then the last message I sent turned green…

This is my first iPhone, and I haven’t really taken the time to figure out the different Apple nuances in the time I’ve had it. But I know that means maybe someone’s phone died or they aren’t online or whatever. I also know that sometimes my friends never receive my green messages when they get their phones back on, or they won’t appear immediately.

But how, after the last thing we discussed, would I dare check whether he received my text or not? How could I know? Certainly not by texting him! We established this, I’m not pressed for replies. But also established, neither is he.

What if it didn’t go through? What if on his end, I haven’t replied yet? And yet on my end, he hasn’t replied yet? WHO DROPPED THE BALL? To know…would be to thirst. Right? Maybe? So we’re just gonna stand in all our hydrated, solitary glory then, huh? Are we cool with that?

I can’t stand being my age, and if I were any younger…boy am I just grateful I’m not! I can barely manage with the weird social politics and etiquette that changes every two days. I’m not about all this navigating through communication across these many mediums. I’m too inclined to read into things and pick apart every little detail or speculation of a detail. It’s too much to think about, it’s rarely ever that deep, and it’s making an already awkward person even worse.

I can never text him again. And he might never be able to text me again.

Ruined before it even had a chance. We’ll never know what could have been.

It was a nice 30 or so hours while it lasted, I guess. Maybe we’ll bump into each other at another party. Maybe we’ll laugh about it. Or perhaps neither of us will ever recover the nerve to say anything. Only time will tell. But it’s all good, I’m not pressed anyways…

Okay, so I’ll probably just text him tomorrow sometime. But shut up, though.

Diet Black

Soooo it’s fall!!! Which means CHANGE! And I’m excited because now I live in a place where it truly does mean change. I forgot that leaves change colors til I moved back here to Philadelphia. I like it! And I get to wear scarves everyday without looking inappropriate. It’s great! But besides the scarves, I’m kind of unprepared for the coming cold.

I have to go out and buy a comforter now. I need to dig out all of my long sleeves and sweaters from the murky depths of my closet. I also have to work on repairing all the sun damage my skin suffered this past summer.

Yes, sun damage.

Like…sunburn.

I don’t get it either. Maybe all of those kids who called me ‘white girl’ growing up were right after all.

I’ve been a victim of sunburn for the third year in a row. I don’t know what’s going on with the world and this climate change business, I should probably read more. But there’s definitely SOMETHING happening. And it’s not good news for all the mulattos out there dealing with issues we’ve never had to deal with. It’s a problem I’m just not equipped to handle or even recognize, for that matter.

Anyone who has seen me in recent days might have noticed some strange discoloration on my nose. Like patches of brown and pink in a marbled pattern. That would be a colony of scabs and raw flesh that you see. Because in my world, or what I thought was my world, I see skin peeling off of my face and I’m thinking, TIME TO EXFOLIATE.

So I scrub the dead skin off. Beat it like it stole something. Wake up the next day, walk into the bathroom, look in the mirror, and WHAT THE FEEZY?

My nose is just black. And not in the sense that I’m black, but the color black. A scab totally took over the middle of my face. And I just thought to myself, dammit not again…

The first time this happened, I was in high school, and I had to show my face in class that day. I walk up to my peoples and they just stared at my nose. Didn’t even ask, but waited for an explanation.

“See, what had happened was…

I told them my skin was peeling and so I sloughed off the dead skin with an exfoliating face wash. They didn’t seem as dumbfounded by the results as I was…

“You moron, you don’t scrub sunburn! That makes it worse!!!”

Sun…

burn..? 

You mean that thing that happens to white people?

HAH! Yeah right, as if I could get sunburn. I’m too melanin for such things.

After years and years of being everyone’s cultural experience in the ‘burbs like I’m some ambassador for blackness, my white friends finally taught me something. Something about their world. And they can have it back.

My nose is healing little by little. Probably would be alleviated completely by now if I didn’t stop scrubbing it, but I still don’t get it I guess. I’m actually going to have to wear sunscreen next summer. I dread the very thought. That stuff smells weird.

So now I’m kind of worried. What is to become of the other little perks of being kinda black that I happily indulge in everyday? My melanin advantage isn’t the only thing that’s been threatened recently.

I feel like I’m also losing my edge in interracial social dynamics.

Confession folks, I greatly enjoy using the ignorance of white people to my advantage whenever I can. I grew up in the suburbs of various cities, and if there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that I can get what I want on many an occasion by just adding emphasis on my ethnicity. For some reason, white people seem to think that every non stereotypical black American is like a ticking time bomb of rachet, and you never know when it will go off. Like it’s a stagnant part of our personality that can be triggered at the slightest hint of dissatisfaction with anything and everything. They will do anything to avoid seeing it come out. It’s hilarious. Exploiting that preconception is a common tactic I use in customer service. It’s probably wrong, but whatever. This is essentially my face when guests act a fool at work…

 “I’m sorry, what did you say was wrong with your meal? Nothing? That’s what I thought.”

It also doesn’t hurt that I’m 5’12″(YES, FIVE FEET TWELVE INCHES), and I rock my hair natural now. I just ooze intimidating from my blackish pores.

If you didn’t know already, I’m pretty awkward socially. I might make a post about it, or a couple, in the future, but one way I manage to socialize with people is to just drag them down to the world of awkward, where I call home, and then seize control of the conversation. Once everyone is good and uncomfortable, then good conversating can commence. I’ve always thought I looked pretty black, but I constantly get asked what I am, so I always take this opportunity to flop the conversation, and reply with, “Other.”

“What does that mean?”

“Whatever I want it to mean.”

“……”

Or,

“Wow, I like your hair!”

“Thanks, it’s a little more ethnic than normal today, but it’s still rockin’ I think.”

“…It’s what?”

“A little more ethnic than usual.”

“……”

Because social interaction is much more fun when neither of us know what to say next.

I can’t lose this on top of my solar immunity, people. How will I ever make new friends? Okay I have a couple other ways to throw people off. Like,

“Hey are you alright?”

“Yeah, I’m fine.”

IN MORE WAYS THAN ONE!” ,’:)

Or,

“Can you turn on the air? I’m hot.”
IN MORE WAYS THAN ONEEEEE!” ‘,:)

But you kinda have to wait around for people to say those. And I do. I look a little too forward to it…

“How are you?”

“I’m f—”

IN MORE WAYS THAN ONE!”

“—eeling alright…”

O_o …

    …    o_O

*backs away slowly*

But you know what never needs to be welcomed into conversation? Race jokes. I know, I’m the problem. Sorry, but it’s one of the few advantages I get. Let me have this!