Diet Black

Soooo it’s fall!!! Which means CHANGE! And I’m excited because now I live in a place where it truly does mean change. I forgot that leaves change colors til I moved back here to Philadelphia. I like it! And I get to wear scarves everyday without looking inappropriate. It’s great! But besides the scarves, I’m kind of unprepared for the coming cold.

I have to go out and buy a comforter now. I need to dig out all of my long sleeves and sweaters from the murky depths of my closet. I also have to work on repairing all the sun damage my skin suffered this past summer.

Yes, sun damage.

Like…sunburn.

I don’t get it either. Maybe all of those kids who called me ‘white girl’ growing up were right after all.

I’ve been a victim of sunburn for the third year in a row. I don’t know what’s going on with the world and this climate change business, I should probably read more. But there’s definitely SOMETHING happening. And it’s not good news for all the mulattos out there dealing with issues we’ve never had to deal with. It’s a problem I’m just not equipped to handle or even recognize, for that matter.

Anyone who has seen me in recent days might have noticed some strange discoloration on my nose. Like patches of brown and pink in a marbled pattern. That would be a colony of scabs and raw flesh that you see. Because in my world, or what I thought was my world, I see skin peeling off of my face and I’m thinking, TIME TO EXFOLIATE.

So I scrub the dead skin off. Beat it like it stole something. Wake up the next day, walk into the bathroom, look in the mirror, and WHAT THE FEEZY?

My nose is just black. And not in the sense that I’m black, but the color black. A scab totally took over the middle of my face. And I just thought to myself, dammit not again…

The first time this happened, I was in high school, and I had to show my face in class that day. I walk up to my peoples and they just stared at my nose. Didn’t even ask, but waited for an explanation.

“See, what had happened was…

I told them my skin was peeling and so I sloughed off the dead skin with an exfoliating face wash. They didn’t seem as dumbfounded by the results as I was…

“You moron, you don’t scrub sunburn! That makes it worse!!!”

Sun…

burn..? 

You mean that thing that happens to white people?

HAH! Yeah right, as if I could get sunburn. I’m too melanin for such things.

After years and years of being everyone’s cultural experience in the ‘burbs like I’m some ambassador for blackness, my white friends finally taught me something. Something about their world. And they can have it back.

My nose is healing little by little. Probably would be alleviated completely by now if I didn’t stop scrubbing it, but I still don’t get it I guess. I’m actually going to have to wear sunscreen next summer. I dread the very thought. That stuff smells weird.

So now I’m kind of worried. What is to become of the other little perks of being kinda black that I happily indulge in everyday? My melanin advantage isn’t the only thing that’s been threatened recently.

I feel like I’m also losing my edge in interracial social dynamics.

Confession folks, I greatly enjoy using the ignorance of white people to my advantage whenever I can. I grew up in the suburbs of various cities, and if there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that I can get what I want on many an occasion by just adding emphasis on my ethnicity. For some reason, white people seem to think that every non stereotypical black American is like a ticking time bomb of rachet, and you never know when it will go off. Like it’s a stagnant part of our personality that can be triggered at the slightest hint of dissatisfaction with anything and everything. They will do anything to avoid seeing it come out. It’s hilarious. Exploiting that preconception is a common tactic I use in customer service. It’s probably wrong, but whatever. This is essentially my face when guests act a fool at work…

 “I’m sorry, what did you say was wrong with your meal? Nothing? That’s what I thought.”

It also doesn’t hurt that I’m 5’12″(YES, FIVE FEET TWELVE INCHES), and I rock my hair natural now. I just ooze intimidating from my blackish pores.

If you didn’t know already, I’m pretty awkward socially. I might make a post about it, or a couple, in the future, but one way I manage to socialize with people is to just drag them down to the world of awkward, where I call home, and then seize control of the conversation. Once everyone is good and uncomfortable, then good conversating can commence. I’ve always thought I looked pretty black, but I constantly get asked what I am, so I always take this opportunity to flop the conversation, and reply with, “Other.”

“What does that mean?”

“Whatever I want it to mean.”

“……”

Or,

“Wow, I like your hair!”

“Thanks, it’s a little more ethnic than normal today, but it’s still rockin’ I think.”

“…It’s what?”

“A little more ethnic than usual.”

“……”

Because social interaction is much more fun when neither of us know what to say next.

I can’t lose this on top of my solar immunity, people. How will I ever make new friends? Okay I have a couple other ways to throw people off. Like,

“Hey are you alright?”

“Yeah, I’m fine.”

IN MORE WAYS THAN ONE!” ,’:)

Or,

“Can you turn on the air? I’m hot.”
IN MORE WAYS THAN ONEEEEE!” ‘,:)

But you kinda have to wait around for people to say those. And I do. I look a little too forward to it…

“How are you?”

“I’m f—”

IN MORE WAYS THAN ONE!”

“—eeling alright…”

O_o …

    …    o_O

*backs away slowly*

But you know what never needs to be welcomed into conversation? Race jokes. I know, I’m the problem. Sorry, but it’s one of the few advantages I get. Let me have this!

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Happy New Year!

Happy New Year!

I’m not one for making formal resolutions but I will be making some changes and improvements in my life. Here’s my list.

  1. Exercise and Eating Habits

This is nothing special, I know that’s practically everyone’s goal. I’ve been riding on my constantly growing height which allowed me to eat anything, and everything, all day, everyday, and not gain an ounce. Problem is, I’ve finally hit six feet and if I grow anymore I’ll cry. So I think, or at least I hope I’m done getting taller. I figure I ought to develop a better lifestyle before it gets really difficult when I get older. And by then, it’d probably be too late. More a matter of reversal than a matter of prevention, and that’s much harder. So yes, that. I will be eating better and implementing some exercise in my life.

2.   Stay in Touch

I love all of my friends and family. I’m sure they don’t always feel the love though, and I’m going to make more of an effort to get that message across from here on out. I live my life lost in thought most of the time, and I’m not very expressive emotionally. Growing up, I moved around quite often, and as a result, keeping in touch with loved ones isn’t second nature to me. On top of that, phones freak me out and I can’t stand calling people. I answer my cell with my work greeting by accident all of the time, because that’s the only time I’m ever on the phone. So yeah, that too. I will be sure to keep in contact with my family, because they are amazing, and my friends, because I’d be crazy without them.

3.   Improve my Skills

          Knitting and crocheting is kinda my thing. I learned when I was 7, I didn’t actually start making things until I was around 12. And then ’til high school my repertoire was exclusively composed of squares and rectangles. Oh, and trapezoids when my projects when terribly wrong. I have since added circles to my range of skills, and I make hats. With heavy assistance, I have made wool boots and a pair of socks. But it’s about time I expand again, so this year I’m going to learn how to knit cables and read patterns.

More skills to improve on would be my media skills. Considering the fact that I am studying Emergent Media in school and I aspire to be a content creator/social media consultant, I am taking it upon myself to learn as much as I can. It starts with WordPress! Next up will be Photoshop and Final Cut. I’ll more than likely post my creations up here as well, so give me feedback! And don’t be too mean, I am but a student!

4.   日本語 and Español

My language learning took a back seat this last semester in school. The class I need for Japanese isn’t available until the Spring, so I’ll be squeezing some time out of my days to practice. I’ve forgotten so much already, I’m afraid to see where I’d end up in the Spring if I didn’t review now. And I just want to learn Spanish, it’s getting to a point where it’s almost fundamental for any job. So yes, that. My Spanish speaking friends ought to beware, because I’m going to drive you loco asking you to teach me Spanish. Thanks in advance lovelies!

Those are my main goals for the year 2014. I hope everyone had a great time last night ringing in the new year. I worked downtown and saw the fireworks and danced with my coworkers all night. I was working, but it was a great time. So here’s to everyone making 2014 awesome. Happy things!