Lazy is the New Black

Does anybody remember old Barbie ads that had that annoying jingle singing, “It’s a great time to be a girl?”

What was that supposed to mean? That your freedom to buy an outrageously anatomically-incorrect plastic person with features that represent only 2 percent of the world’s population suddenly made life worth living? Oh, …okay.

I forgot my point. And we’ve only just begun. Gyahhh

GOT IT.

Okay so anyways, Barbie lied. NOW is the great time to be a girl! Wanna know why? Because fashion is phoning it in and we can all rejoice in not having to try so hard anymore. But at the same time I don’t like the dropped standards. It’s kind of ridiculous. Am I the only one who sees the obvious origins of these fads? They all look like fashion faux pas that somebody told the world were in so they wouldn’t have to put in effort. Please don’t tell me you actually consider any of these groundbreaking innovation.

Ombre Hair

I remember growing up, not knowing much about hair dye…or white people, and looking at blonde women with dark hair at their roots and thinking, “Wow that’s so cool how your hair changes color right there!” And they would always respond in irritation and/or embarrassment. I never understood until much later, and even after that I still thought roots showing looked pretty neat. When this ombre thing started trending, I thought huh, that looks like someone just decided to stop getting touch ups and grow out their roots… And they called it fashion, and now it’s a thing.

Ankle-length Pants

This one actually offends me. As a kid, there was a long period where I would grow out of pants about every two weeks. I remember one day I told my dad my jeans didn’t fit anymore…again, and he exploded, vowing to only buy me capris until I stopped growing. The high-water struggle is a dark time in every tall child’s life, and no part of it is fun. You’re already awkward and lanky and have too much limb than you know what to do with, and then on top of that your clothes don’t fit? You’re a freak. And your grade school classmates never fail to remind you. But now you’re older and past all of that just to have your childhood traumas thrown back in your face thanks to fashion telling everyone that ankle-length pants are STYLISH? Listen, I don’t care who says it, THEY ARE NOT AND THEY WILL NEVER BE. THOSE ARE HIGH-WATERS, AND THEY MAKE YOU LOOK LIKE A BEACH HOBO. Go find some pants that fit, or face the scrutiny of your peers like we all had to do.

Backpacks

Now this trend I stand behind. Because I shouldn’t be trusted to bring anything back home if it isn’t attached to me. Do you know how many handbags I’ve lost over the years? If I put it down, there is a pathetically high chance it is not getting picked back up. And you have to actively carry handbags and purses. Like you’re always aware of them as you walk around. You can’t forget they’re there because they’ll start to slip off of your shoulder or get uncomfortable and you have to switch them to your other side. Just awful, and God forbid you need that arm for something! So busy holding your purse you can’t judo flip anyone at a moment’s notice. You clutch a purse and you’re taking a risk, man. And fashion agrees, and made backpacks fancyyyyy. Made them cute. Gave them a bunch of compartments! I love compartments.

Clumpy Mascara

What the feezy is this?

Why? I don’t think that looks okay. And I am queen of the IDGAFF look. The first F is for flying fyi, because I’m fly AYE EFF!!! Kidding. But just, no. Apply your mascara correctly, is it really that hard? I don’t even know what I’m doing and I manage fine.

 

I always say I’d rather be good at looking bad than being bad at looking good, but this is just overkill. And I’m not cut out to be cool, so I don’t like this impending pressure should fashion continue in this direction. So please, go back to trying. It’s a better look for you.

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I’ve Been Selfish and/or Lazy, My Bad

I’ve been a bad blogger, guys. And I’m sorry.

As I’ve looked over my stats over the past two weeks, I’ve noticed that some of my viewers have found me through a fellow blogger’s website. I didn’t understand how that happened, so I went to her page. She has a “Blogs I Follow” section on her sidebar and oh hey! There’s me right there with all those hats on! 

I must admit, in my year of having this blog, I have made feeble attempt to be an active member of the blogosphere, and that’s…not smart. It’s also kind of selfish. Not kind of, it’s incredibly selfish. And lazy. So I am making this post to tell you, and to tell myself that I will do better at that. I will read posts from my fellow bloggers just as regularly as I write my own entries. Because you people are fantastic. You make me laugh and cry and think new perspectives. And a lot of you found me first, because you Internet much better than I do and I have spent 2014 ignorant to blogging etiquette. But no more! Thanks for teaching me through doing. It took me a minute but I got it down now, and I can’t wait to support the great works you do as time goes on.

So I changed up my blog layout. Not a whole lot, but I did. Instead of scrolling into the oblivion of nonsense that is my never-ending rants, I set my page to feature my latest two posts. Scroll just past those two posts, and you’ll find the blogs I follow, and I encourage you to check them out sometime. You’ll also find my Twitter and Instagram, which you could also check out and/or follow if reading my thoughts here isn’t enough for you. But more important is my blogging community, which I have regrettably neglected to show love to.

Thanks people, that’s all I’ve got to say. I’ve been slow to post since my Java and Jokes on Hold. I really didn’t want to write anything new and random until I got that topic covered, but my thoughts were piling up so you’re about to get a barrage of things coming your way in the next few days, be it funny, serious, whatever. I will speak on this Black Lives Matter movement and my thoughts on all of the madness very soon. I haven’t forgotten! Just got drowned in information that may or may not even matter in the end. So be looking for that. Okay, bye!