Blue Text, Green Text, Read Text, No Text

I done goofed, friends.

And so we begin with your favorite start to a story,

So there’s this guy…

I went to a party the other night with some friends. 

This party, if you must know. Had an absolute blast. Anything with DJ Na$h’s name on it I highly recommend attending. I digress, though.

At the party. Saw this guy, liked his face. Saw him again later. Liked his face again. Wanted to do something about that…but nahhhhh, couldn’t be me.

I don’t talk to people, okay? If you think I do, realize I’m probably getting paid to make you think so. I don’t do it. Especially not at parties. And especially still when people are cute. People who talk to people don’t have blogs to hide behind. Just all of the absolutely not.

But the third shot of Maker’s Mark said, “Absolutely fuck yeah! Go talk to him.”

It took until the end of the night but by the power of Maker’s(and my crazy-ass friend dance-kicking me towards this guy), I told him I thought he was cute, and we exchanged numbers.

And after that, we didn’t talk.

Okay not exactly, but I really dig that Goldlink album and was just listening to it and I’m getting hella off track. ANYWAYS

I shot him a text after I left the party. He got back to me but it was late, nothing much was said until the next day. Next morning he messages picking back up and apologizing because he thought he already replied. I said no worries, I’m not one to get caught up in read-receipts and whatnot. And we agreed on that being an annoying trait of our generation nowadays and shared some lols.

But then the last message I sent turned green…

This is my first iPhone, and I haven’t really taken the time to figure out the different Apple nuances in the time I’ve had it. But I know that means maybe someone’s phone died or they aren’t online or whatever. I also know that sometimes my friends never receive my green messages when they get their phones back on, or they won’t appear immediately.

But how, after the last thing we discussed, would I dare check whether he received my text or not? How could I know? Certainly not by texting him! We established this, I’m not pressed for replies. But also established, neither is he.

What if it didn’t go through? What if on his end, I haven’t replied yet? And yet on my end, he hasn’t replied yet? WHO DROPPED THE BALL? To know…would be to thirst. Right? Maybe? So we’re just gonna stand in all our hydrated, solitary glory then, huh? Are we cool with that?

I can’t stand being my age, and if I were any younger…boy am I just grateful I’m not! I can barely manage with the weird social politics and etiquette that changes every two days. I’m not about all this navigating through communication across these many mediums. I’m too inclined to read into things and pick apart every little detail or speculation of a detail. It’s too much to think about, it’s rarely ever that deep, and it’s making an already awkward person even worse.

I can never text him again. And he might never be able to text me again.

Ruined before it even had a chance. We’ll never know what could have been.

It was a nice 30 or so hours while it lasted, I guess. Maybe we’ll bump into each other at another party. Maybe we’ll laugh about it. Or perhaps neither of us will ever recover the nerve to say anything. Only time will tell. But it’s all good, I’m not pressed anyways…

Okay, so I’ll probably just text him tomorrow sometime. But shut up, though.

Week Long Social Hiatus

Last week I took a break from social media.

I don’t know why I never have before. It was nice, and I wasn’t as tempted to check as much as I thought I would be. I didn’t miss anything noteworthy, either. A week isn’t a long time, but it was long enough for me to break my dependence on my phone.

This technology is crazy. I really enjoyed the purge. Yet when I opened one of my social apps up again, which I wasn’t even in a rush to do, all the anxieties and the urges to refresh and get new content that felt so distant during my time away came flooding back immediately.

I’ve put some barriers on my usage before.

Throughout high school, I had a strict policy that if it didn’t happen on my page, it didn’t happen. But I eventually gave into scrolling my timeline and news feed and whatever because I felt like I was being too self-centered.

I turned off all push notifications over a year ago. It was a huge help, but over time the addictive nature of my personality found some other way to obsess and constantly refresh the page when I opened my apps.

Aimless scrolling and obsessive refreshing. I hate it. It’s like checking the fridge every twenty minutes knowing damn-well there’s nothing in there you want. And the past week was the wake up call I needed to actively fight against this crap. I felt so much better not worrying about anything going on that wasn’t directly in front of me. I want to continue being more present in my own life. Y’all don’t need to know half the stuff I usually post about my life online. And I definitely don’t need to know who’s watching, liking, or commenting all the time when I do post content.

So I’ve decided to change three things.

1.) I’m leaving my phone across my room when I sleep so social media isn’t the first thing I engage with when I wake up.

2.) I’m not going to look at who’s viewed my stories on IG and Snapchat, or scroll through who liked my posts. I’ll only concern myself with comments and real engagement.

3.) I’m limiting myself to checking my notifications and scrolling a little bit three times a day for no longer than 30 minutes.

I’m not saying all of this to be profound or anything. I’m not doing anything new or noteworthy. But I think we could all use a sociality check. Sociality, get it? Cause it’s not IRL? Does that work for everyone, or should I stop? I don’t know, but we’re rocking with it for now. By that I mean we should all take a look at our relationship with this technology every so often. If your habits on social media aren’t making you happy, reevaluate how you use it. And there’s no cut and dry answer. A healthier relationship with my socials was taking better control of my time and not letting it run me. It’s difficult, because old habits die hard and I’ve been droning out looking at screens for I guess a decade now.

The psychological effects of this stuff are serious business. The developers of these advancements don’t use them or let their children use them. That’s scary. We’re just guinea pigs, and there’s nothing in the history of humanity that can help us anticipate what’s to come. And what has come so far has been children committing suicide and mental illness skyrocketing with new media-based diseases being coined every year. I don’t know what the answer is. I don’t know what’s being done or what could be done for the mass public to practice better habits around social technology. So until then, the responsibility rests with individuals. And this individual is trying, at the very least. This is a topic that really interests me. I went to and am going back to school for Emergent Media Studies and Production. If you’ve made changes in how you navigate the web and the socials, let me know and let’s exchange notes and stories.