Loose Ends

I’ve been frustrating myself all year so far, trying to push through exhaustion and work drama to start creating again. It hasn’t been going well.

I finally put some time aside to write a new post yesterday, and ended up staring at my wall for two hours.

And then I was hungry.

And then I needed to pee.

And then I was cold.

And then I gave up writing, bundled up in my blanket, and took a nap.

This blanket, I made for myself three years ago as an anchor piece for my then goal of moving out of my uncle’s house and getting my first place on my own.

I was an avid user of Pinterest at the time, and envisioned the snazziest interior decorating in my dream space, and everything would be yellow and gray, clean and contemporary.

I crocheted this blanket over the course of a couple months and through a rewatch of three seasons of 30 Rock. It’s roughly six feet tall and wide, and it reminded me to save up every day I saw it draped across my bed.

I finally got my apartment, moved out, and it has been the staple piece of the house for the past two and a half years. But I realized something yesterday.

I never finished that blanket.

There’s always that one part of your passion that you hate to do. Art isn’t all fun and sunshine, it is actual work sometimes. And when it comes to knitting and crocheting, I absolutely detest sewing in ends when I’ve completed a project.

It’s arguably the most important part. The piece isn’t finished until you’ve sewn in the ends. It’s so crucial, it’s a common figure of speech.

Tieing in/up the loose ends.”

Where else where that have come from if not the fiber arts? I hate it though. I’m far from the only one, but I sure feel like the only one so hellbent in just leaving piles of old projects around that would otherwise be complete and ready to sell, should I just sew in the ends.

I’ve been using this blanket for the past three years with strands of yarn sticking out of every corner where the colors change, just ignoring the fact that my work is incomplete. Just acting like nothing is wrong with it. Glossing over my longstanding lack of follow-through.

You know how the question stands, does life imitate art, or does art imitate life? I’ve always found consistencies between my creative processes and my life happenings.  I feel like through this blanket, I have hexed my own life.

 

Why can’t I get a coherent thought on paper? Why do I have more drafts than published articles on this site? Why does it take me longer than two hours to put together one post? It shouldn’t take a whole day, a whole week, a whole month for one post! Why am I so scatterbrained?

This blanket was my anchor. It was my motivation to step into the next chapter. But I didn’t even finish it. Because I was too lazy. Because I didn’t feel like doing it.  But it was my first step. I brought the bad energy of sloth into my house and life with that shoddy first step.

Nothing gets finished.

I’m too tired to care.

All my plants are dead.

And I just keep wrapping up in this frayed blanket, wondering why. Wondering when it will get better.

Life imitates art. At least it seems to in this case. And I need to tie up some loose ends. A lot of loose ends. A lot of stupid pieces of thread all over the place, driving me insane and disturbing my qi.

I’m getting my qi back, one thread at a time. I’m 10 down so far, and when I’m done I’ll post a picture of the finally-finished blanket. And then we’ll see if I warded off the lazieness out of my house so I can write more frequently, not kill my new plants, and get my other creative endeavors rocking. I’m knocking out three strands of yarn per day, and I should be done in a couple weeks.

 

Advertisements

Happy New Year!

Happy New Year!

I’m not one for making formal resolutions but I will be making some changes and improvements in my life. Here’s my list.

  1. Exercise and Eating Habits

This is nothing special, I know that’s practically everyone’s goal. I’ve been riding on my constantly growing height which allowed me to eat anything, and everything, all day, everyday, and not gain an ounce. Problem is, I’ve finally hit six feet and if I grow anymore I’ll cry. So I think, or at least I hope I’m done getting taller. I figure I ought to develop a better lifestyle before it gets really difficult when I get older. And by then, it’d probably be too late. More a matter of reversal than a matter of prevention, and that’s much harder. So yes, that. I will be eating better and implementing some exercise in my life.

2.   Stay in Touch

I love all of my friends and family. I’m sure they don’t always feel the love though, and I’m going to make more of an effort to get that message across from here on out. I live my life lost in thought most of the time, and I’m not very expressive emotionally. Growing up, I moved around quite often, and as a result, keeping in touch with loved ones isn’t second nature to me. On top of that, phones freak me out and I can’t stand calling people. I answer my cell with my work greeting by accident all of the time, because that’s the only time I’m ever on the phone. So yeah, that too. I will be sure to keep in contact with my family, because they are amazing, and my friends, because I’d be crazy without them.

3.   Improve my Skills

          Knitting and crocheting is kinda my thing. I learned when I was 7, I didn’t actually start making things until I was around 12. And then ’til high school my repertoire was exclusively composed of squares and rectangles. Oh, and trapezoids when my projects when terribly wrong. I have since added circles to my range of skills, and I make hats. With heavy assistance, I have made wool boots and a pair of socks. But it’s about time I expand again, so this year I’m going to learn how to knit cables and read patterns.

More skills to improve on would be my media skills. Considering the fact that I am studying Emergent Media in school and I aspire to be a content creator/social media consultant, I am taking it upon myself to learn as much as I can. It starts with WordPress! Next up will be Photoshop and Final Cut. I’ll more than likely post my creations up here as well, so give me feedback! And don’t be too mean, I am but a student!

4.   日本語 and Español

My language learning took a back seat this last semester in school. The class I need for Japanese isn’t available until the Spring, so I’ll be squeezing some time out of my days to practice. I’ve forgotten so much already, I’m afraid to see where I’d end up in the Spring if I didn’t review now. And I just want to learn Spanish, it’s getting to a point where it’s almost fundamental for any job. So yes, that. My Spanish speaking friends ought to beware, because I’m going to drive you loco asking you to teach me Spanish. Thanks in advance lovelies!

Those are my main goals for the year 2014. I hope everyone had a great time last night ringing in the new year. I worked downtown and saw the fireworks and danced with my coworkers all night. I was working, but it was a great time. So here’s to everyone making 2014 awesome. Happy things!