Hey Pumpkin!

My mom used to be an adolescent psych nurse. And back then, she had this coworker that she’d tell me about who always greeted the patients with, “HEYYYYYYY PUMPKIN!!!”

The kids loved that nurse. They looked forward to her arrival every day. But to be deemed Pumpkin wasn’t arbitrary. It was a respected privilege. And if a patient acted out or annoyed this nurse, she would revoke their title.

“You’re not my pumpkin anymore.”

I Googled 'Crying'

This was supposed to be a picture of a devastated person, but I Googled ‘crying’ and uh…this came up.

So naturally, how could I not?

But let’s pretend I actually got a stock photo of a devastated child bawling their eyes out, as was my intended direction. Being that woman’s Pumpkin was EVERYTHING to those kids. For totally inexplicable reasons, it was just so important. They didn’t get anything from it. They weren’t treated any more special than the other patients. But to be called Pumpkin. If they angered that nurse, they fell to pieces. They would get their lives together, vow to never be bad again. Anything, to be Pumpkin again. It was so serious. Too serious. Pumpkin.

But you know, I feel like around this time of the year, we are all adolescent psychiatric patients. Because what the hell is this hype over pumpkin every single fall season? We all succumb to it. It begins earlier and earlier every year. The appeal of pumpkin dictates our lives for one quarter of the year.

Pumpkins aren’t that great. Do we even know if it’s a fruit or a vegetable? What does it do? Is it not strange that pumpkin has never been the focal point of some health craze? I can’t name a single health benefit of pumpkin off the top of my head outside of it not being crack cocaine. And I live on the Internet. I know the health benefits of kumquats and how water will kill you. That’s brainpower I’ll never get back but it’s there, man.


Great for your digestive system, and they help prevent diabetes! How the feezy do I know that? Someone help.

 It’s orange. What the kind of plant is orange? Carrots and bell peppers? Neither of those are very trustworthy vegetables, am I right? Oh, so are kumquats. OH MY GOSH AND ORANGES TOO. But those are fruit. They’re chill. Maybe… But orange vegetables are sketch at best, and I…think pumpkins are vegetables.

Who’s idea was it to carve faces into pumpkins? What is that doing for anybody? Don’t we have enough ways to accidentally stab ourselves that are necessary to everyday life? And they just rot. In your house. On your doorstep. That’s not cute. “Welcome to my home, enjoy this giant rotting vegetable(I think) while you wait for me to answer the bell. And look! It has a little face crudely carved into it’s flesh, and you’re next.

I would like to know who started this madness. What pumpkin loving freak looked at a slice of pumpkin pie one Thanksgiving and said to themselves, “Y’kno, this just isn’t enough for me. Let’s dump some of this in my coffee. Let me start it a Twitter account. Let me spread it on some toast. Let me sandwich it in a cookie. How about I dump some in an ice cream maker. Let’s eat this in September. Better yet, make it August. And let me share my obsession so I never have to go without pumpkin ever again.”

Well done, maniac. Thanks a lot. I hope you’re happy. I’m not. I’m sick of walking into the store to see another pumpki-fied item. Would it be pumpk’d? Yeah, yeahhh.

pumpkin spice oreos

Oreos? You just got pumpk’d.

PSL m&ms

M&M’s? Pumpk’d.

Terra Pumpkin Spice

Chips? You got Pumpk’d.

Pumpkin beerBeer = Pumpk’d.

Did anybody have to read The Botany of Desire in school? It’s probably a good book. But a half-hearted skim of it and the author, Michael Pollan, creeped me all the way out. I marked him off as a plant loving weirdo and put the book away for the rest of the semester. A very rough and barely accurate summary of the book is that Michael Pollan thinks plants have an agenda to fill the earth with themselves, and they make humans go crazy for four basic desires that they provide, so we bend to their plant-will and grow them everywhere. And we generally do something to alter the plant forever, either for better or worse. But it’s apparently all part of the plants’ grand scheme to control us.

Michael Pollan is still weird, and I’m not reading that crazy plant conspiracy book, but maybe he’s on to something. What if the pumpkins did this to us? They’re that crazy nurse. And we’re all her patients. Think about it, possibly over a PSL and a pumpkin muffin. And don’t act like you don’t know what that acronym is. I know you do. And so do the pumpkins. We’ve all been pumpk’d.

Octane Coffee

ROADTRIP!!! Well I didn’t drive there, but I was in Atlanta a couple weeks ago and I needed my caffeine fix and thinking space! So I checked out Octane Coffee in Buckhead. It was nice. Let me tell you about it.


I ordered a Caramelatto, which is their name for a caramel latte. It was good. Nice and smooth, but a little too sweet for my taste. I really like a kick of espresso coming through the flavor, and it got overpowered. I enjoyed it nonetheless though, and my friend, who ordered the iced version absolutely loved it.

Octane Lattes

Catch me on Snapchat: @thespazmatazz

One thing though, they served my drink in a glass cup. And as much as I love things served in transparent dishware, the cup wasn’t designed for hot beverages. I had to wait for it to cool a bit to pick it up to drink. I don’t do waiting very well. Especially when it comes to coffee. The time it took for the glass to be cool enough to hold is generally the time it takes for me to down a latte. But I suppose with that being said Octane probably did me a favor…maybe. Oh also, Octane doubles as a bar, which is pretty cool. That’s probably more fun at their other locations though, where they don’t close at 7pm.


The baristas at Octane were super friendly and attentive. They were all very colorful and had a lot of personality in appearance. I only say that because they didn’t really match the setting of tech professionals that made up their customers. Which I found to be refreshing. There’s nothing wrong with that professional, corporate feel, but the fact that the baristas weren’t like that added a…warmth to the space maybe? Gave room for the artsy in me to thrive while I wrote in there? Made me feel right at place even though I wasn’t from the Tech Village.


I didn’t pay a lot of attention to the menu, but it had a good variety of drinks and snackage. Nice amount of teas, a few varieties of drip coffee, and all the usual espresso drinks. I mean, they function as a bar as well as a coffee shop, which is all the variety I really need. But their counter also had a really nice display of pastry things and pre-made sandwiches. And I don’t know if they allow outside food, but there’s a Chipotle right across the street as well as food places everywhere  because they’re right around Lenox.


I like the air in here. The whole store front is glass which means tons of natural light, and everything is white so it’s even brighter and looks super clean. The wi-fi was reliable and fast. The music was…maybe a little on the loud side, but not too distracting. I didn’t pay it enough attention to tell you what kind of music was playing. I remember a lot of acoustic guitar maybe? People chat in there, so the music isn’t that crucial. Which is also nice, that conversation is welcome. Well, it’s welcome in all coffee shops I would imagine, but I don’t know…some cafes are more quiet, like a library. It’s located in the Tech Village building, so everyone in here is a business-y, tech-y professional of some sort. Everyone is in a small meeting or has a laptop out getting work done. It’s a very productive environment. Look at us, and how happy and think-y we are in there!



I actually didn’t use the bathroom while I was there. Maybe next visit, and I’ll tell you all about it. But if it was anything like the rest of the interior, I’m sure it was nice.

So that was my time at Octane. I really liked it and I was happy to find a nice place to do my work while I was away from home. I will definitely be back when I visit Atlanta again.