I Think I’m Broken

I have had enough, people! I don’t have a very healthy lifestyle. It’s easy to accept that you aren’t healthy, and it’s also easy to think deeply about changing, but that’s as far as most people ever get. I’ve reached that point where I’m ready to do something about it.

So I’m trying this new thing where I drink more water. ‘More’ meaning…drinking water period. I’ve never seen the point in consuming something without a taste. We have to eat and drink to survive, we might as well make it good every time. Water is like liquid tofu. Just, wrong. I hate that it’s necessary for life. My body doesn’t seem to share the same sentiment though, so I’m making an effort to stay hydrated, and maybe pieces of my face will stop falling off and my body in general will stop going into disrepair. There is no reason for me to be in such bad shape.

Let me tell you though, this new endeavor is HARD. I’ve been drinking water for about a week now, and it’s just terrible. My body is rejecting the stuff. I drink the water, and my system goes into shock, screaming THIS ISN’T COFFEE OR CRANBERRY JUICE! WHAT IS THIS MADNESS?? DO NOT WANT. I have to pee constantly. I’m too busy not doing what I’m supposed to be doing to deal with going to the bathroom every twenty minutes. I can’t live like this.

The worst part about it is that I’m probably so chronically dehydrated, that it’s going to take forever to see any results, if it improves my condition at all. If there’s one thing I detest more than water, it’s waiting. C’mon facial cells. In the time it takes for you to turn over, my cat will have rolled over the length of Pennsylvania. CHOP, CHOP!

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I have yet to feel any different in the last week, but I’ll keep drinking water. Mainly because I’ve run out of juice and have depleted my arsenal of Starbucks giftcards. Plus, I recently discovered that my feelings of hunger are a lie, and I keep eating when I’m actually thirsty. Joy. We’ll see how this goes.

Eggs Over Hard

If there’s one restaurant I absolutely cannot stand, it’s Cracker Barrel. If I never entered that blasted place again, it’d be too soon.

First is the name. Crackers? Don’t you want people to like you? Crackers are the most bland food stuff one can consume.  And you couldn’t think of a more appealing receptacle than a barrel? I’d like to hear from someone that ever thought of a barrel full of crackers and instantly thought of a good time or delicious food. I doubt I’ll ever find such an individual, and truth is, I’m not interested enough to look, they sound awful. 

Can someone please explain the knick-knacks? Just…stop it. It might be because I grew up in a home where “everything had a place and everything better be in its place” that the sale of items only meant to clutter a house seems pointless to me. It even makes me angry, because, why? So no thank you, I’ll pass on all the space waste, strange flavors of taffy and other weird candy that was discontinued decades ago.

The last straw was that one server who had the audacity to correct my English. After struggling through the menu of country meals that practically all were served with endless biscuits and a moat of gravy engulfing your plate, I settled for eggs with bacon and some other things…

Server: And how would you like your eggs cooked?

Me: Over hard, please.

Server: You mean over well?

Me: Umm…over HARD, thank you.

Server: Okay, I’ll get them for you OVER. WELL.

THE NERVE OF THIS WOMAN. I WANTED MY EGGS OVER HARD.

FUN FACT, there’s actually a difference, and that CRETIN messed up my order, being condesending. Seriously though, woman? You’re going to question ME on MY ENGLISH? I’m in school to be an English teacher! YOU WORK AT CRACKER BARREL, and the least you can do is get my order right.

Eggs over hard, the way I wanted mine prepared, have the yokes broken and fried so the white and yoke cook through evenly. Eggs over well still have the yoke in tact, and beyond that, the cooks didn’t even cook it well enough and it was runny. I loathe runny yoke. Loathe it. So I tell this woman the eggs weren’t cooked the way I wanted and she should tell the kitchen to cook them over hard this time. Still got them back over well. There is simply no winning in that place.