So I’m sitting in my house, right?
Doing the usual. Overthinking everything about my world and whatnot, and I really brought myself down. I got tired, but restless. Wanting to do…something, but it was one in the morning, and that just made me feel so trapped. And that led to this hopelessness that everything would always be like it is because I have ALL THIS ENERGYYYYY but I never have it when I can actually use it and in those times I’m completely exhausted and why does the world work like this will I ever do what I need or want to do and oh my God where am I and how did I get here?
And then my stomach growled..
It snapped me out of my spiral, and I figured I would just go to bed. But it growled again, and that made me hot and my mind threw me right back into a whole new spiral, thinking, if the stomach growling persists, I’m going to keep getting hotter and eventually overheat and I can’t sleep when I’m hot so then I’ll never get to sleep and I’ve already stayed up the past two days, one more day and I’ll hallucinate and possibly die and…and..FINE I’LL EAT SOMETHING.
I go to my kitchen and open the fridge. Then I close the fridge, because my perception of nothing I want was obviously false and I should try again. I open the fridge again. Everything requires preparation..
Why do I do this to myself?
Oh, so I stop eating late at night.
Past Me, YOU DIRTY, SCHEMING WAD! That is so effective, how dare yo– AHAHHHHH! You didn’t manage to hide these boiled eggs though, did me?
I unpeeled a couple boiled eggs, and do you know what?
Those things were cooked so perfectly. Like you know how a lot of people over cook hard boiled eggs and the edge of the yoke is all gray and they smell like sulfur? Or you under cook them and the yoke isn’t hard enough and the shell is hard to peel?
Mine were perfect. And those eggs made all of my worries and paranoia and insecurities fall away. Because it didn’t matter what I was bad at or what I had failed to do or how I was going to get to where I want to be. None of that stopped me from perfectly hard boiling eggs. And it was no simple feat with that specific instance of egg boiling, mind you. I put them on the stove, and went to do things in my room. I didn’t even leave myself a note about them!
Don’t judge me.
In fact, I forgot about them. Then remembered suddenly in the middle of my one-person dance party, freaked out, almost stepped on my cat, ran to the kitchen, and then pulled the pot off of the stove and ran the eggs under cold water. And they still came out fantastic. And I didn’t dislocate a knee or run into a wall running to the kitchen, and no cat was harmed in the process. So. Things are pretty okay. Things will be pretty okay. Today hard boiled eggs, tomorrow the world, guys. I’m ready.