I almost died eating an apple this morning.
It was easily the most disheartening moment of my week.
I went shopping last week, people. For groceries. I bought fruit; fruit that I intended to consume for the sake of my health. Because I care and stuff.
How exciting is that?
SUPER FREAKING EXCITING, I KNOW.
It’s a new start. A new me. A better me. I was ready. I was stoked.
I was on my way to work. And before I left the house I thought, hey, you can have an apple for breakfast, you healthy fruit-eating, early morning-waking, awesome person, you! So I grabbed an apple and walked out. I bite in to the apple and I’m like, yes. This is everything it is supposed to be. I am eating fruit. How long’s it been since I ate fruit? It’s perfectly sweet, but not too sweet. Watery to make me feel quenched for my morning commute. I’m biting it apart and it makes me feel like a ferocious lion tearing through life at its seams for my sustenance. Except I wasn’t lion enough and the stupid apple attacked me back.
By the time I reached the bus stop, I was coughing and choking with seemingly no end in sight. In between bites of the apple, as I tried to take a breath, juice from the apple decided to replace the air I intended on inhaling. And juice does not belong in lungs. Air does. Where the heck was any air? Where did the juice come from? Stop. Ow. No. Is it over…? Okay let me take another bit—*COUGH COUGH* AAAGGHHHHHH! WHY?
I was choking for like three blocks. I threw that God-forsaken apple away less than halfway through eating it because I was that frustrated.
Am I that far gone? I’ve been without fruit so long that I no longer have the skill it takes to walk and eat a fruit? And that takes skill okay. You may not know you possess it, but if the above situation has never happened to you then good for you, all coordinated and whatnot. You’re going places. Far places. With fruit. And I’m proud of you. Very disappointed in myself, though.
But that’s alright. I’m not going to let one incredibly pathetic failure to accomplish a basic human function get me down! I can’t live the rest of my life eating fruit while sitting down! I have places to be, I’m on the go. I’ve…I’ve gotta TRAIN.
So I’m not used to eating fruit anymore. I can reacquire that ability. And I want to. So I will. You know what? This is the perfect opportunity to finally use that gym membership I’ve had for 3 months and never gone. Yeah. Yeahhhhh.
Me, a treadmill, and a bag of apples.
I can do this. I’ll be going to work everyday, confidently eating my fruit, all nourished and energized for the rest of the day. I can’t wait. I’m determined.
Maybe I’ll even move to the stairmaster in time.