Yeah, it’s been a while. I’m so sorry. Did you miss me? Probably not, but I’m back anyways!
I missed you. I missed writing. My head feels like it’s going to explode. But it’s okay. Because you know what, guys?
I’m a winner. I won. Me. Winning.
Becauuuuuse, guess who made it out of the winter without scales???
YOU GUESSED IT, THIS ONE! THIS ONE RIGHT HERE!!!
I did it, friends! I accomplished my season’s goal of NOT mutating into a horrible, human/reptilian-hybrid creature. Because last year, mannn, LAST YEAR…
Spring 2014 came around and my legs were so dry, you could light a match on my shin. I was looking like I just walked off an Animorphs book cover.
It was bad, is what I’m saying. So bad that this year I set a goal to be less lazy. To try a little. To moisturize. To care. Just a smidge more. I really didn’t think I had it in me, honestly. I was fully prepared to just wear jeans everyday throughout the Spring and Summer just to go through the whole cycle yet again next year. It just wasn’t gonna happen. Lotion is too cold, limbs are too long, alarm clocks are too snooze-able.
But all of those doubts can shove it, okay?
I AM VICTORIOUS
And I’m also really soft, it’s pretty flipping rad. Like, you should feel me! Wait, does that sound wrong? It does.. It definitely does. Disregard that, I’m sorry. I just wanted to share my excitement with everyone, but I can’t. Shouldn’t. Won’t. No.
Seriously, don’t feel me. Keep your feels to yourself. Thank you.
But you can give me a high-five, because I so deserve one. You know I do. I’ll be expecting that next time I see you.
Before I go, I should acknowledge my support. I would like to thank: Lotion. The idea of putting my lotion on top of the heater. Water, which I decided to drink more of. Showers at night, where I don’t have to rush out of my house and be…of society. And my job, for understanding that I’m not functional before noon and scheduling me for evening shifts only. I couldn’t have done it without you guys. Here’s to next winter!