The Best Advice I’ve Ever Received

I was hit in the face with some nostalgia today as I heard someone talking about The Amanda Show with her friend while I was at work. I used to love that show. And the great thing is, a good amount of it is still funny to me now at 20 years old, which I’ve discovered is not always the case when I revisit some of my old favorite shows from childhood. One of my favorite sketches was

I best related to Debbie…

What? Eggs are like the perfect food.

Anyways, remembering The Girls’ Room also reminded me of the best advice I’ve ever received. I can’t remember who told me this…or if it was even meant to be advice. But I sure took it and ran. Are you ready for this gem of wisdom? You sure? Okay, here it is:

“Everyone poops.”

Okay, no duh, what’s so profound about that, I’m sure you’re wondering. Just hear me out, this simple concept has the ultimate power when you always keep it in the back of your mind.

Now, we’ve all had a crush at some point in life right? At least once? I’m going to keep writing and assume every reader said yes. So what happens when you like someone? You hoist them up onto this pedestal. You stand them up to all of your standards for a relationship and whether you know them or not, they just must be perfect, right?

So how do you get to your perfect other half? Your mind trips all over itself trying to figure out how you can smoothly enter this person’s life. Hide your weird, fix your face, lurk from afar, recruit your friends as spies, try to be noticed subtly, but talk to them OH HECK NO. You’re not interesting enough, pretty enough, talented enough, what have you. That person oozes cool out of his/her PORES.

Why would he/she give you the time of day?

Who are you?

When all of this stuff starts swirling around in your mind, you’ve gotta tell yourself,

“[crush’s name here] poops…and it’s gross.”

He/She poops. Everybody does. Heck, everything does. Even plants!

Okay I might need to be checked on that one….-searches Interweb-

Oh Internet, you have failed me…plants don’t poop. Not really.

What a tangent, I digress. My point here is, no matter how great this person you’re stalking is, they’re no better than anyone else in the world. So while your mind is telling you that you aren’t worthy of attention, reality says forget that, do what you want, because who are they? Another human being on this earth, just like you, that’s who. And a little crush is only a small example. This applies to anyone you think is unreachable. We’re all a mere six degrees of separation away from each other. That was a thing, right? I feel like the Internet makes that distance even shorter.

In which case, I’m only six degrees or less away from hugging this guy. It can totally happen.

So what’s stopping you from talking to who you want to talk to? Introducing new ideas to the world? Doing something you think won’t be well received?

Nothing. Everyone poops. Stop doubting yourself. Go for it.

On the other side of that coin, this is a humbling reminder too. You are never better than any other person. Doesn’t matter if you’re a millionaire or super humanitarian, or you cured cancer, you still poop. Just like everyone else. Be nice.

Find me someone who has evolved beyond excreting waste from their bodies and we’ll make him/her the supreme ruler of the world. Til then, go on and be your awesome selves.

I remember one of my friends, whom I’ve adopted as a little sister, asking me how I was so confident and why I wasn’t afraid to say what I wanted or talk to anyone I wanted to talk to. And I told her that I’m not so much more confident, I just remember that everyone poops. After she understood what I meant, she took it and ran with it. She doesn’t feel intimidated by people anymore, and she talks to everyone, free of the worry of how she measures up. She’s not afraid to be a goofball, and she shrugs off the negativity. I’m happy to see her not stressing over things so trivial anymore. Watching her transition, I’m definitely going to ingrain this concept into my children. And they will become your unstoppable overlords.

Kidding, if they end up anything like me, they’ll cringe at the responsibility. You’re all safe…for now.

So that’s my advice for you. You’re not inferior to anyone, nor are you superior. But the world is only getting crappier with your lack of input, so we need you to do something about that. Thanks, later stinkers.

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